John Kirby

John Kirby, amateur explorer, was exploring a cave. But the important thing is not the cave, the important thing is the secrets it contained. The cave was said to be home to the "gene pool" the explanation for everything that is passed down though the generations. It is a discovery that could change the life of an up and coming explorer and as Kirby was about to find out, it will.

As he ventured further into the cave Kirby came to a cross road, two signs pointing either way read "The room of infinite ladies" to the left and "The gene pool" to the right. Just as you are thinking "The secret will surely be lost forever!" get a hold of yourself because; One, He is only a beginner, if he can get though this cave, so can a lot of other people and second, Kirby met with an unfortunate accident with a machete during his stay at explorers school; during jungle training, his class mates thought it would be a good idea to leave him alone in the middle of the Amazon river. As he floated downstream, he started panicking, the river was flowing ever faster and there was no end in sight. That is until he hit a rock; completely shredding his testicles. But, that is enough of that.

As he trudged down the path to glory; Kirby wondered why he had "Follow the yellow brick road" stuck in his head. He usually blamed it on his short Broadway career however he often thought it was something deeper rooted then that, the thought of having a deep psychological reason for having songs from The Wizard of Oz stuck in his head worried him. So much so that he now found himself drowning in a thick, treacle-like sea of worry, followed by wave after wave of all-consuming anxiety. It was only when his head when under and he found himself unable to breathe that he began to seriously start thinking about seeing a psychiatrist.

He woke up in a pool of his own sweat. Hmm, he thought, I can’t possibly have been sweating this much, there must be some explanation. He assumed the thinking position a few metres below the surface of the body of water he was currently occupying. He opened his eyes and was greeted by the gentle sting of chlorine; his retina was surrounded by it. A pool. The gene pool? Perhaps. He swam upwards, breaking the surface and gasping for breath. He pulled himself out of the water and sat on the edge. It looked like an ordinary swimming pool. He looked down and saw that he was suddenly and quite inexplicably sporting a set of gills. “Well” he said, to himself, “this explains why I didn’t drown.” He took a deep breath and felt a deep burning pain in his neck; he couldn’t breathe. He dove back into the pool and swam to the bottom, finding himself suddenly able to breathe.

This presented a problem; how was he going to leave? Just as he was thinking this and taking another gulp of water, he felt short of breath. He felt his neck, his gills had left him and in their place they left a sudden need for air to breathe. He swam to the surface and calmed himself down; once this had been accomplished, he took a sample of the pool water and headed back to his apartment for testing.