As I sit here writing this it is twenty to four in the morning. I am up this late due to a relatively obscure (I hope) MOO. MOO, if anyone who didn’t instantly think of cows is wondering, MOO stands for MUD object oriented. This is extremely annoying as it is possibly the only example of an abbreviation living within another abbreviation. MUD stands for Multi-use domain and you didn’t need to know any of that.
So, hellMOO. HellMOO can be made to sound like a perfectly normal modern game. It is set in a post apocalyptic world, where you must do anything to survive. It has a skills system and a levelling system but that is where the comparison to normal games ends. It is entirely text based, with vivid descriptions replacing what might have been grimdark brown and bloom graphics and you start off the game, your very first; mission, quest, whatever, killing rabid orphans in the local orphanage. You can now see where it starts getting good.
The orphans, with such names as “Baby Timmy” and “Little Susie” can all be killed for cash and xp. You hunt them down, type in “Kill Baby Timmy” and a automatic fight sequence occurs where you are told that you just carved a chunk out of Baby Timmy’s leg. There are also fatality moves that happen often enough, which have you doing things like shoving your knife through their back and spearing their weakly beating heart on the end of your knife.
In typical roleplay style, you can and will need to fulfil some needs. Hunger, thirst and bladder are all present, leaving you to hack the legs off of the toddlers you slaughter and eat it raw, whilst sipping water from the tap and then pissing on their corpse. Yes, you can do that. If you want to, and the victim is male, you can wash down their penis with a mouthful of moonshine.
Another need that needs fulfilling is the stress meter. This is filled by sexual frustration and stressful activities and drained in a few ways. You can have consensual sex with the other players or prostitutes or you can use the grab and strip commands to rape the young orphans that are running amok. This is a game where within five minutes of playing you have probably ripped someone’s heart out, eaten a penis and raped an orphaned child.
The character building in hellMOO has you running around your hometown in search of items to bring into the bomb shelter. These items affect your skills later on; you can get a pocket knife for blades, a ninja mask for sneak, a lighter for torture and even a pair of panties to improve your fuck skill. Yes, there is a fuck skill. Now might be a good time to mention that you start out in the game as a 13 year old.
There really is too much too hellMOO to fit in one review. I’ve said as much as I can to peak your interest in the game and I would hope that you can least try it. It’s very confusing at first though, so if you are trying it out read this guide.
It should get you on your way to your first murder/rape in no time.
